Philadelphia 76ers
Best-case scenario: For the Philadelphia 76ers, starting their season against the Miami Heat is the best possible setup. Expectations are already low, but their first loss of the season will push those down to a deep crawl. It sets the tone for what they will actually endure—losses on top of losses. If things go the way the tanking Sixers see fit, they’ll lose enough games to get the No.1 pick and the opportunity to choose Andrew Wiggins. They could then pair him to Nerlens Noel and Michael Carter-Williams, which brings me to what should be a secondary goal for this team—adding a few pounds to Carter-Williams so he will no longer look like the title character of “Thinner”.
Worst-case scenario: The Sixers play their first nine or so games against teams projected to make the playoffs, which means they’ll field plenty of losses up front. Philadelphia will start the season winless to some extent, so their initial losing streak won’t be viewed as a low point. The low point will come when they win their first game, which could come at Atlanta on Nov.15 or any of the games scheduled immediately afterward. When that day does come, the Sixers would truly hit bottom if the team they managed to defeat gets so offended that they sneak into Nerlens Noel’s house and cut off his high-top fade. Something tells me Noel’s high top is straight up biblical. My guess is that Noel would then become the modern-day version of Samson, a shell of himself in every way until he grows a sufficient flat top.
Phoenix Suns
Best-case scenario: The best outcome for the Phoenix Suns is similar to the Sixers’—lose so many games that they benefit from futility. Maybe Andrew Wiggins, Jabari Parker or Julius Randle are waiting on the other side of that uphill climb. Phoenix won’t know until its first lost enough games to fall downhill into a pit of despair. Through their travels, the hope for the Suns is that Eric Bledsoe will develop into a point guard. He’s served as more of a lightning rod off the bench to this point. If he can develop the way a “mini LeBron” really would, Bledsoe will prove capable of taking over the point guard slot, which would allow the Suns to trade Goran Dragic and open salary cap space.
Worst-case scenario: Here’s a worst-case scenario for you: Some fake clause that I just made up devoids Michael Beasley’s contract with the Miami Heat, and David Stern forces him back on the Phoenix Suns. That’s got to be as bad as it gets for all involved. Even worse would be if Beasley gets to Phoenix and plays well enough that the team falls out of the Wiggins sweepstakes. Then, because he’s Michael Beasley, he gets busted for pot at the height of his season. None of this will happen, but it was fun to hash up.
