It’s me, the top laner in your last League of Legends game. I noticed that your level one invade into the enemy jungle gave their Nidalee a kill and that didn’t make you happy. You blamed your allies for “not warding” and thus causing you to die to a stray spear coming from the fog of war. Sure, I can take responsibility for that and inform you that I would gladly try to be better next time.
But at three minutes into the game, you decided it was a smart idea to come top and gank, even though I’m playing as a Maokai and haven’t hit my level four power spike yet. Not to mention you waited in the bush for a full two minutes, sapping experience as I tried to wave clear and wasted all my mana. Finally, when I didn’t have enough for a Sapling/knock up combo, you decided to emerge from your patient waiting game and managed to lose us the fight to an Illaoi. Those tentacles deal major damage and after three ground thwaps, we were both looking at grey screens.
Again, you blamed your teammate typing in full capital letters and bleeped out swears that it’s always your team that plays poorly. I guffawed into the air in front of my computer screen, accepting that I would keep playing this game through and pushing onward to victory.
Unfortunately, you had another plan entirely. See, after attempting another jungle invade and dying to a roaming mid lane Vladimir, you decided that you had enough. Channeling the energy of Trick2G, Tyler1 and a feral marmoset you decided that the game was already over and there was no way of coming back. While the rest of us pleaded for you to just calm down and play with a level head, you disagreed entirely.
“GG, open mid,” you spam in all chat giving the enemy team the heads-up that you’ve given up before the 15-minute mark. “My team is trash, they are the only reason I’m still in Silver.”
We continue pleading, asking you not to go into the enemy jungle without any wards or vision. Our calls fall on deaf ears as your AP jester spams a dance emote right before giving the enemy team their fifth kill. At this point, I had given up my lane and took my tree trunks around the map in an attempt to help turn this game around. We get a catch on the Vlad and get a double kill in the bottom lane giving us hope that we can turn this thing around.
Shaco has other plans as he’s decided that this game is unwinnable and the only option is to move onto the next one. He proceeds to buy two “Tears of the Goddess” and farms his jungle while we team fight.
After the game timer ticks past 25 minutes, Shaco has officially had enough. After typing something vulgar Riot Games’ profanity blocker bleeps out, he leaves the game. “A summoner has disconnected,” the announcer says as all four of Shaco’s allies accept their loss and fate. At 28 minutes, our Nexus goes down and Shaco reconnects just so the AFK protection system doesn’t ban him automatically.
In the end game lobby, Shaco leaves us with his final words of wisdom. “What noobs, 1v1 me loser.” I accept my demotion to Silver II and wonder how hard it would be to replace a computer screen that’s been punched through during a quarantine. As I hover the uninstall button on the client, that thought quickly vanishes as I queue up again. I may not see that Shaco again, but his mentality will never vanish.
Signed,
Maokai with no common sense
